Stewing (Myst of Pandaria)

“Whore, liar, fool, brat”

The words rung through Alnarra’s head again and again without stop.

“Weak, pathetic, powerless, sniveling”

The druidess eyes remain shut as her whole form sat beneath the water, a small straw sticking from the gentle, almost serene surface. Below the water’s depths the woman lay back peacefully in the tub, only the movement of her chest from the slow breaths giving any evidence of her status.
“Failure, disgrace, wretch”

The sprite darter squeaked and hollered helplessly from inside the room, banging on the locked door begging for someone to come barging in. It called for help time and time again, but the Stormwarder home was empty this morning. The Guest bathroom remained empty save the panicked sprite darter and its companion. It went to find Alnarra’s stone but that was locked in the bedroom with her ever depleting satchel.

“Trivial, Worthless, Mistake”

In her mind Alnarra was plagued by thoughts that she tried to bury each and every day, the ability to simply remove the straw from her mouth and with the ironwood bindings she had wrapped around her arms and legs end it right then and there. To make all the pain go away, to end the suffering that she went through every day. She was so tired of being in tears, of being sad. She saw it on the faces of those she had come close to, their irritation with her sadness apparent in all their eyes. For the entirety of the last week anytime she had spoken to Araane it had been to yell at her, to tell her there was something wrong with her. Inodraen was so busy with the newbloods antics that he felt the need to stalk something in the woods. She had only managed to depress Delegoth with her mood, and even Lerlira could not bear to be with her long.

“Sabershit, Ruin, Pain”

Little Gwen, Araane, Alice, and Inodraen the only forces in her life that kept her moving. She could not see her own self-worth, her own image so badly distorted by the events of the last few days that she could hardly stand on her own. She had wondered into that Orc den looking for information on the woman who had pulled the wool over her eyes for so long. Her reason was in question, her ability to judge others in ruin.
“You’re so sad when you’re not getting laid…. You slut”

Delegoth’s words burned like fire through her soul, that the only way to make herself feel better was the affection and touch of another. Was she so pathetic, so needy, so craving of another’s touch that in their presence somehow Alnarra was made to feel better. Was Hafu right that the void in her heart was so obvious to everyone around her that she truly was pointless without another. That sex was some kind of vice she had come to rely on to fix herself.

“Death, Mediocre, trash”

Sarynth reminded her so terribly of the woman Alnarra spent her mornings hiding in the woods from, praying to the goddess that she would not be found before breakfast and hit again. All the old scars long since buried and healed…. But the soul still a terribly battered thing. She had spoken her mind with the woman and seen no reaction from her, nothing to show any fear, no remorse for her actions, and yet she knew that the person she had confessed her everything to, the person she had asked to be her lifelong mate, something she would have feared from any other now loved her more than Alnarra.

She could not hide her jealousy and rage, she had thrown her necklace to the ground, upset and angry as the woman seemed to reek of that same arrogant self-confidence, the same cold gaze that beat her helpless form for years without end, left scars and welts across her body that seemed like they would never stop hurting, and now her lover cared more for her.

The image of watching Sarynth Spit at her, while Araane condemned her for being upset over Gwen’s disappearance ran through her mind.
Alnarra grew so tired… and it would be so easy, to let it all just slip away. Gwen, Inodraen they would forgive her right? They would understand. She had already sent the lab results for Abby to the correct places. Someone… someone with more skills then her could resolve this issue. Alice would be ok, she didn’t need Alnarra. No one needed Alnarra. No one needed her…

“You don’t belong, you have no place to be, and No one needs you”

Alnarra began to let the straw go from her mouth, it drifted slowly to the surface as she opened her eyes to watch, holding on to a last breath she had gotten so tired of being sad, so tired of feeling like she was wrong, she did not know how to fix it anymore. She felt as if she had run out of options, and in that moment she finally felt as if perhaps she could stop being a burden. They would all be so happy if she was just gone. A faint smile crossed the druidess face as the last of her breath kept her eyes open, the water seemed to get deeper and warmer.

It was not long before the usually Hydrophobic Sprite darter was pulling desperately at Alnarra’s ears and face, it’s eyes full of panic as it tried to drag the druidess back to the surface. It did not understand she had seemed so happy the days before, it did not see why. It pulled and it tugged, its little wings flapping in a most desperate motion in the water. As it finally managed to bring the druid’s head above the water her face was full of the same sadness it had come to know for so long.

It waited, each second seeming like an eternity before she inhaled sharply coughing up water into the tub, her hands still bound by the ironwood she looked at Kykona with a sad sense of surprise.

“You cannot go!” it pleaded, tears rolling down the little sprite darter’s face, “I need you! They need you! You make people better! You heal the sick, the wounded, and they dying! You cannot go!” The sprite darter was incredibly animated its little hands shaking in frustration as it went to pull at her cheeks planting small kisses all along her face, “Why can’t you stop for one second and recognize that you are a good person!”

Alnarra’s expression became defensive, frantic, “If I hadn’t spoken to Gwen as I did, about that foolish topic she never would have gone to Stormwind. If I had been stronger, better, more capable I could have been enough for Araane, and she would not sleep with a woman who will only hurt her! If I was smarter I would have never fallen for that imposter! I am wrong! I have always been wrong. Since the day I took my first breath I was a mistake!”

The sprite darter slapped her with its small paw across the cheek, “You’re not a mistake to me! You weren’t a mistake to him! You can’t leave. So many of us need you!” It wept holding her face, “Stop,” it pleaded, its voice growing weak and upset, “Stop seeing yourself as the enemy Alnarria, you aren’t the enemy. I know things are hard, I can see the look on your face as you have fought in this year, in these months to find your place and maybe it is not among this den of thieves. Please listen to me Alnarria, please do not go!”

The sprite darter looked at the woman helplessly, as the strength she had been so desperate to maintain throughout the night before fractured and shattered. The Druidess who pretended to be strong, who hid her fears and her loathing began to cry once more, the small sprite darter simply holding Alnarra close, “I’m sorry Kykona,” she spoke softly.